My Devoted Readers (well yes there are none here yet but they can be found here) may recall that each year I courteously post the opening of Bikini Season here in my Beloved Florida. Now that I am semi-retired, it occurs to me that this valuable Public Service should be expanded. This blog will provide the venue. So without further ado, here's the official 2009 Closing Summary.
Ahem.
2009 Season Summary
Although the Season began slowly due to a poor economy and unpleasant weather in the spring, crowds returned after the Memorial Week Monsoon. Numerous Flower Patches were noted throughout the core beach area. Of thongs there were not a few, and most, fortunately, adorned the kinds of curves the designers had in mind.
An influx of Europeans & Brazilians in July and August provided opportunities for this reporter to test his French and Portuguese.
Native Francophone skepticism towards American attempts to parlay the langlay was overcome by smooth, properly enunciated French. Beers were purchased for this reporter by astonished Francaises. Local gringos offered money for translation services but were politely refused.
The unseasonable autumn warm spell on the World's Most Famous Beach has provided the public with an extended viewing Season. Normally vacant after Labor Day, the beach was packed through early October. Lots of the perpetually welcome Brits were still in attendance up to the Biketoberfest activities. Many of these Brits should consider more frequent visits for appreciative viewers.
Thank Yous and Notes of Appreciation
1.) Many thanks and various blessings are bestowed on The Netherlands for sending over 2 lovely ladies who fearlessly flouted puritannical American views on bikini tops.2.) Amazed thanks are given to the Beach Patrol for leaving the sunbathers in (1) alone and for chasing off the old creep with the telephoto lens.
3.) Gracious appreciation is offered once again to ZooFou and the busload of beauties from Montreal. Despite scaling back this year's trip to a single bus, the crazy Quebecers demonstrated the value of partying in a country whose language you neither speak, understand, nor care to.
4.) A Note of Appreciation is issued to whomever organized the flash mob skinny dipping party for a certain Midwest college. Well done.
5.) A Note of Appreciation is issued to certain professional ladies who drew so much business to the umbrella and food wagon stands, proving once again that judiciously issued free lounge chairs for the summer are a wise investment.
Notes of Caution
1.) To the lady from New Jersey: There will be No free ice cream from me in exchange for no top on you. I admire your enthusiasm, but there is a certain minimum standard in such exchanges. 2.) Rare is the man who can sport a speedo. Do-lappers are specifically excluded.
3.) To the parade of gold chain wearing loud fellows from Up North: No, I do not care to carry on a conversation with you about all the women on the beach. It's the beach; they're supposed to be in bikinis (well, most of them anyway). Courteous viewers observe a certain etiquette.
4.) To all the thugnecks: Women are not attracted to your monster trucks playing hip-hop at thunderous levels... no matter how many times you drive by a Flower Patch. I know this because they talk about you with me after you leave.
5.) To certain ladies who think that "showing me something" will get you something for free. 20+ years of beach living makes one somewhat jaded to 99% of the female beach-going public. Unless you meet the standards and level of cool mentioned in the Note of Appreciation number (5) above... the answer will be 'no'. A gracious 'no', but a firm 'no'.
The 2009 Bikini Season is now Officially Closed. We invite the Hotties of the World and attendent Bikinilife Observers to gather again next year on the World's Most Famous Beach. Au Revoir!
End of report.
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