Off Season Has Arrived

At last that special time of year has come when the crowds retreat from the beach like the outgoing tide.

Or maybe not. The unseasonably warm Indian Summer (record temps over the past couple of weeks) is giving the beach a split personality. One day looks like the middle of summer, the next like the middle of January.

Although the folks who moved here from Up North (which is all of the other states except Hawaii) may complain about lingering upper 80s temps, this reporter does not.

Warm weather means more beach time with minimal clothing. King Neptune's watery domain is also still warm, meaning we enjoy an extended surf and boogeyboard season before breaking out the wetsuits.

It's a great time of the year for a beach cookout: not to hot to make the cooking a chore, and not too cool to make the relaxing miserable. Bring your grill, your osyter pot, and a half bushel of the little river gems. Of course there's always room in the pot for some shrimp.

Soon, however, Indian Summer will fade away. Beachgoers will vanish, leaving the beach to scattered mobs of seabirds and the occasional bundled-up beachcomber.

I love the crowded beach in midsummer, but it can't be denied that an empty beach has its own charm as a wonderously lonely place.

2009 Bikini Season Closing this Weekend

My Devoted Readers (well yes there are none here yet but they can be found here) may recall that each year I courteously post the opening of Bikini Season here in my Beloved Florida.

Now that I am semi-retired, it occurs to me that this valuable Public Service should be expanded. This blog will provide the venue. So without further ado, here's the official 2009 Closing Summary.

Ahem.

2009 Season Summary

Although the Season began slowly due to a poor economy and unpleasant weather in the spring, crowds returned after the Memorial Week Monsoon. Numerous Flower Patches were noted throughout the core beach area. Of thongs there were not a few, and most, fortunately, adorned the kinds of curves the designers had in mind.

An influx of Europeans & Brazilians in July and August provided opportunities for this reporter to test his French and Portuguese.

Native Francophone skepticism towards American attempts to parlay the langlay was overcome by smooth, properly enunciated French. Beers were purchased for this reporter by astonished Francaises. Local gringos offered money for translation services but were politely refused.

The Portuguese was not so good (just a beginner) but Brasileiras are such good sports that they just laughed and bought drinks anyway. Again local gringos were politely refused... more of them, though, this time since flowers from Brazil attract a lot of bees.

The unseasonable autumn warm spell on the World's Most Famous Beach has provided the public with an extended viewing Season. Normally vacant after Labor Day, the beach was packed through early October. Lots of the perpetually welcome Brits were still in attendance up to the Biketoberfest activities. Many of these Brits should consider more frequent visits for appreciative viewers.

Thank Yous and Notes of Appreciation

1.) Many thanks and various blessings are bestowed on The Netherlands for sending over 2 lovely ladies who fearlessly flouted puritannical American views on bikini tops.

2.) Amazed thanks are given to the Beach Patrol for leaving the sunbathers in (1) alone and for chasing off the old creep with the telephoto lens.

3.) Gracious appreciation is offered once again to ZooFou and the busload of beauties from Montreal. Despite scaling back this year's trip to a single bus, the crazy Quebecers demonstrated the value of partying in a country whose language you neither speak, understand, nor care to.

4.) A Note of Appreciation is issued to whomever organized the flash mob skinny dipping party for a certain Midwest college. Well done.

5.) A Note of Appreciation is issued to certain professional ladies who drew so much business to the umbrella and food wagon stands, proving once again that judiciously issued free lounge chairs for the summer are a wise investment.

Notes of Caution

1.) To the lady from New Jersey: There will be No free ice cream from me in exchange for no top on you. I admire your enthusiasm, but there is a certain minimum standard in such exchanges.

2.) Rare is the man who can sport a speedo. Do-lappers are specifically excluded.

3.) To the parade of gold chain wearing loud fellows from Up North: No, I do not care to carry on a conversation with you about all the women on the beach. It's the beach; they're supposed to be in bikinis (well, most of them anyway). Courteous viewers observe a certain etiquette.

4.) To all the thugnecks: Women are not attracted to your monster trucks playing hip-hop at thunderous levels... no matter how many times you drive by a Flower Patch. I know this because they talk about you with me after you leave.

5.) To certain ladies who think that "showing me something" will get you something for free. 20+ years of beach living makes one somewhat jaded to 99% of the female beach-going public. Unless you meet the standards and level of cool mentioned in the Note of Appreciation number (5) above... the answer will be 'no'. A gracious 'no', but a firm 'no'.

The 2009 Bikini Season is now Officially Closed. We invite the Hotties of the World and attendent Bikinilife Observers to gather again next year on the World's Most Famous Beach. Au Revoir!

End of report.

Why is This The Sea?

Okay, okay. So in The Obligatory "What's This All About" Post #1, I wrote that this blog would not be about surfing. Yet here we are, on post #2, with a surf photo, mention of a great surfer movie, and link to a video about said surfer epic.

What's going on?

Simply put, everything begins and ends with the Sea. I could wax poetic about the religious, scientific, and metaphysic aspects of the Sea, but nearly any work by Joseph Conrad would do a better job. Suffice it to say that the Sea is pretty big stuff and worthy of thoughful reflection.

The sea is the reason why we go to the beach. A beach without the sea is a desert: when's the last time you got amped to go to the desert? The sheer pleasure of sitting on the beach all day, doing absolutely nothing but watching the sea is a narcotic all its own. Surfing, sailing, beachcombing, any of these can change your life. All you need is to embrace the Sea.

So without further ado, watch the clip below and reflect on the lyrics from the Waterboys. Whatever your troubles may have been, that was the River. This is the Sea.

Watch The Video

These things you keep

You'd better throw them away.

You wanna turn your back

On your soulless days.

Once you were tethered

And now you are free.

Once you were tethered

Well, now you are free.

That was the River;

This is the Sea.

Now if you're feelin' weary,

If you've been alone too long,

Maybe you've been suffering from

A few too many

Plans that have gone wrong.

And you're trying to remember

How fine your life used to be,

Running around, banging your drum

Like it's 1973.

Well, that was the River;

This is the Sea.

Now you say you've got trouble.

You say you've got pain.

You say've got nothing left to believe in,

Nothing to hold onto,

Nothing to trust,

Nothing but chains.

You're scouring your conscience,

Raking through your memories,

Scouring your conscience,

Raking through your memories.

But that was the River.

This is the Sea.

Now I can see you wavering

As you try to decide.

You've got a war in your head,

And it's tearing you up inside.

You're trying to make sense

Of something that you just can't see,

Trying to make sense now

And you know you once held the key.

But that was the River

And this is the Sea!

Now I hear there's a train,

It's coming on down the line,

It's yours if you hurry,

You've got still enough time.

And you don't need no ticket.

And you don't pay no fee.

No, you don't need no ticket;

You don't pay no fee.

Because that was the River;

And this is the Sea.

Behold the Sea!

-Written by Mike Scott, The Waterboys, 1985

The Obligatory "What's This All About" Post #1

The first post is always the most difficult, isn't it?
Like the foundation stone for the Great Pyramid, it sets the the direction and tone for all the content to follow... despite the fact it will be shortly be buried, archived, and forgotten.
So to get this out of the way quickly, I resort to the bulleted list:

• This blog is focused on the "beach lifestyle" as enjoyed on the World's Most Famous Beach. There will be posts about the peculiar things that make Daytona Beach a legend (no matter how decrepit it has become). There will be odd stories, unbelievable reports, and various shenanigans.

• It is not another surfer blog. Although surfing is big here, the surf is not. There are blogs managed by real surfers living near real surf. Visit them if you want surfing content.
  
  
• There will not be any nonsense posted about turtles, seabirds, dolphins, or sundry other critters. Critters are nice to see but I don't give a particular damn about them.

• No lighthouses. I once rented a beachfront house for a year. Inside was a framed engraved plaque of a poem by some Improvement Society lady about the Ponce Light (in the first person voice of the lighthouse, no less). It was not a good poem. The plaque was bolted to the wall. No mas, mi amigo, no mas.

• Posts and comments about the odd characters, strange happenings, and fond memories of yore are most welcome.

• Although Bikini Season will be a frequent topic, formalized with Official Annual Opening and Closing Ceremonies, Bikini Season will not be a prurient topic. Bikini Season will be treated with the reverence it deserves: the time and location where women from around the world enjoy the freedom of coming to the beach to share God's wondrous creative powers with the appreciative public. Peepers, gawkers, and spankers not welcome.

I'm bored, so that about wraps it up.