Beach Is Packed

The 2010 Bikini Season is off to a fantastic start with a packed beach for the Easter Break.

Cars were parked door handle to door handle for miles north and south of the Main Street Pier on the World's Most Famous Beach, a sight that hasn't been seen this early in the Season for a decade or more.

The National Cheerleader Association and National Dance Alliance held their annual International Championship once again in Daytona Beach, and flower patches of high caliber abounded everywhere. 

Shannon Orrange, of the University of Buffalo Bulls, was featured in Sports Illustrated as Cheerleader of the Week. Here she is during the NCA/NDA Int'l Championship.

What a great beach.

2010 Bikini Season Opening Day Coming Soon!

Every spring, after Bike Week and before Easter, the Day of Days arrives and it's suddenly warm.

Then, like flowers giving forth their blooms, Bikini Wildlife pops up out of the sands of the beach practically overnight.

This Day of Days can't be forecast with any precision. It requires arcane sciences and consultations with various oracles, auguries, signs and prognostications to predict; and even then we may be fooled by false Days of Days like this past Saturday.

A beautiful Saturday, warm and sunny, it brought forth a dense profusion of beach-goers, some of whom ranked at the professional level. But it was a fleeting glimpse, followed by cold rain on Sunday and colder days ahead.

Nevertheless, the Stewards Committee has high confidence that the Official Opening Day of the 2010 Bikini Season will be this Saturday, March 27, 2010.

Bike Week on the Beach

The 69th Annual Bike Week celebration and guzzle-a-thon began Friday and roared into full swng today. While not strictly a beach related even, Bike Week is the first real warm weather event of the year and the herald of coming spring.

We have half a million tourists in town, parading up and down Main Street, gnawing on smoked turkey legs, and casting coin to all and sundry of our starving tourism businesses. They are most welcome.

One thing Bike Week is known for is the care-free attitude towards apparel - or the lack thereof. Despite what we Floridians view as chilly temperatures, the horde of Harley-Davidson enthusiasts freely eschew heavy clothing in favor of items rarely seen outside of Wal-Mart or Frederick's of Hollywood catalogues. This may at first seem a good thing. But not so much after noting that beer bellies and faded tattoos are just as popular.

In other words, the bikini viewing may be hazardous, and viewer discretion is advised.

However, it is posible to discover a little surprise here and there as many of the vendors bring in Bikini Professionals to help hawk their various wares:

Which just lets us know that spring is coming soon. Y'all keep your Puxatawney Phil ground hog thingy.

For our spring barometer, we'll use something a little easier on the eye.

New Year's Eve on the Beach

Without a doubt the best place in the world to attend a New Year's Eve celebration is not Times Square, where temperatures can freeze exposed flesh in minutes... it's in Rio de Janeiro, where temperatures require bikinis.

Why, you may ask, would a blog suppposedly about Floridian Beach Life post about Brazil? The answer is simple: Temperature. Despite God's wisdom in making Florida a narrow peninsula situated in the subtropical belt, temperatures late in December and into January get downright cold. Like ghosts of Reconstruction carpetbaggers, cold fronts from Up North invade our Beloved Florida, robbing the Sun of its warmth and sucking the land dry of vitality. Thus we must turn our eyes further south to the tropical beaches of Brazil to find our vanished summer lifestyle.

Meanwhile, long pants and jackets - the dreaded encumbering outerwear of the Up North folks - are required for most days on the beach. Only the most intrepid surfers venture out, and like Californians in the summer, they do so in full wet suits.

Nevertheless all is not lost. King Neptune warms our beaches through the winter with moderating seabreezes off his watery domains, and there are days when the temps would be considered balmy Up North, and surfers don't need wetsuits.

Spring comes first to Florida, and the 2010 Bikini Season will open around March 1st. We'll let you know how it goes.

Image Source: Rio, Surfer

Christmas on the Beach

Christmas in Florida is a little different than those frigid States Up North (which includes all the others but Hawaii). We have no snow with which to build snowmen, so we make do with the materials at hand. A little carefully shaped sand, some palm frond arms, sunglasses... and voila! A Florida Snow Man. While all you Up North folks trudge through snow, sleet, ice and bitter cold, dressed up like Eskimos, we Floridians head to the beach in shorts and T-shirts for a little sun and surf. We don't care How You Do It Up North... and boy are we glad!

Image Source

Autumn Moon Festival

Off season is terribly boring. The beach is empty, the water gets cold (just 70 degrees now), the weather uncertain.

It's a great time to read a book at the beach if you'd like to be undisturbed.

Better yet, fall is the best time for watching moonrises. When close to the horizon, the magnifying effect of the atmosphere makes the moon seem huge and sometimes tints the moon an unusual color. Forthwith this post inaugurates the first ever Autumn Moon Festival on the Beach. Grab some leftover mooncakes from the Chinese bakery, head down to the beach

Since I'm no photographer, let alone skilled in photographing the moon, I've relied on the skills of Paul Bates for this post's Official Beach Photo.

Off Season Has Arrived

At last that special time of year has come when the crowds retreat from the beach like the outgoing tide.

Or maybe not. The unseasonably warm Indian Summer (record temps over the past couple of weeks) is giving the beach a split personality. One day looks like the middle of summer, the next like the middle of January.

Although the folks who moved here from Up North (which is all of the other states except Hawaii) may complain about lingering upper 80s temps, this reporter does not.

Warm weather means more beach time with minimal clothing. King Neptune's watery domain is also still warm, meaning we enjoy an extended surf and boogeyboard season before breaking out the wetsuits.

It's a great time of the year for a beach cookout: not to hot to make the cooking a chore, and not too cool to make the relaxing miserable. Bring your grill, your osyter pot, and a half bushel of the little river gems. Of course there's always room in the pot for some shrimp.

Soon, however, Indian Summer will fade away. Beachgoers will vanish, leaving the beach to scattered mobs of seabirds and the occasional bundled-up beachcomber.

I love the crowded beach in midsummer, but it can't be denied that an empty beach has its own charm as a wonderously lonely place.

2009 Bikini Season Closing this Weekend

My Devoted Readers (well yes there are none here yet but they can be found here) may recall that each year I courteously post the opening of Bikini Season here in my Beloved Florida.

Now that I am semi-retired, it occurs to me that this valuable Public Service should be expanded. This blog will provide the venue. So without further ado, here's the official 2009 Closing Summary.

Ahem.

2009 Season Summary

Although the Season began slowly due to a poor economy and unpleasant weather in the spring, crowds returned after the Memorial Week Monsoon. Numerous Flower Patches were noted throughout the core beach area. Of thongs there were not a few, and most, fortunately, adorned the kinds of curves the designers had in mind.

An influx of Europeans & Brazilians in July and August provided opportunities for this reporter to test his French and Portuguese.

Native Francophone skepticism towards American attempts to parlay the langlay was overcome by smooth, properly enunciated French. Beers were purchased for this reporter by astonished Francaises. Local gringos offered money for translation services but were politely refused.

The Portuguese was not so good (just a beginner) but Brasileiras are such good sports that they just laughed and bought drinks anyway. Again local gringos were politely refused... more of them, though, this time since flowers from Brazil attract a lot of bees.

The unseasonable autumn warm spell on the World's Most Famous Beach has provided the public with an extended viewing Season. Normally vacant after Labor Day, the beach was packed through early October. Lots of the perpetually welcome Brits were still in attendance up to the Biketoberfest activities. Many of these Brits should consider more frequent visits for appreciative viewers.

Thank Yous and Notes of Appreciation

1.) Many thanks and various blessings are bestowed on The Netherlands for sending over 2 lovely ladies who fearlessly flouted puritannical American views on bikini tops.

2.) Amazed thanks are given to the Beach Patrol for leaving the sunbathers in (1) alone and for chasing off the old creep with the telephoto lens.

3.) Gracious appreciation is offered once again to ZooFou and the busload of beauties from Montreal. Despite scaling back this year's trip to a single bus, the crazy Quebecers demonstrated the value of partying in a country whose language you neither speak, understand, nor care to.

4.) A Note of Appreciation is issued to whomever organized the flash mob skinny dipping party for a certain Midwest college. Well done.

5.) A Note of Appreciation is issued to certain professional ladies who drew so much business to the umbrella and food wagon stands, proving once again that judiciously issued free lounge chairs for the summer are a wise investment.

Notes of Caution

1.) To the lady from New Jersey: There will be No free ice cream from me in exchange for no top on you. I admire your enthusiasm, but there is a certain minimum standard in such exchanges.

2.) Rare is the man who can sport a speedo. Do-lappers are specifically excluded.

3.) To the parade of gold chain wearing loud fellows from Up North: No, I do not care to carry on a conversation with you about all the women on the beach. It's the beach; they're supposed to be in bikinis (well, most of them anyway). Courteous viewers observe a certain etiquette.

4.) To all the thugnecks: Women are not attracted to your monster trucks playing hip-hop at thunderous levels... no matter how many times you drive by a Flower Patch. I know this because they talk about you with me after you leave.

5.) To certain ladies who think that "showing me something" will get you something for free. 20+ years of beach living makes one somewhat jaded to 99% of the female beach-going public. Unless you meet the standards and level of cool mentioned in the Note of Appreciation number (5) above... the answer will be 'no'. A gracious 'no', but a firm 'no'.

The 2009 Bikini Season is now Officially Closed. We invite the Hotties of the World and attendent Bikinilife Observers to gather again next year on the World's Most Famous Beach. Au Revoir!

End of report.